I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
