I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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