bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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