The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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