I'm so fucking centered right now
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
