finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
