come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
