i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
