also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
