Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
