White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize