omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
