im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
