So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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