official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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