So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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