Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize