guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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