And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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