I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
