I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
