drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
