if only i could text you this smell
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
