Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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