he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
