I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize