a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
