I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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