I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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