This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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