Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
