theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize