dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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