like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
