I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
