I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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