I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
