? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
okay pat passed out under dana's car
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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