did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
