if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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