the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
