Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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