i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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