Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
