i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize