My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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