We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize