I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
