my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
