I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
