There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
