Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
