im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Its about making memories worth repressing
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
40s are totally the cure
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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