how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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