the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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