I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
