i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
