so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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