I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
