i jhust puked up my retainher.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
