He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
