Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
