I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
