He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
