Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
