things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
is it fun? or sober?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
