I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
