i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
