i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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