instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
