My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
