the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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