so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
