i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
