So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
