We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
