My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
