You're my little dorito
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
what day is it and did you see me today?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Floor bacon is actually really good
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
