He asked to "fluff my boner.."
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
